When I stopped blogging a few months ago, I told myself that it was for very legitimate and noble reasons. As I would say to everyone including myself, “I’m not sure where I’m going with this blog and I just need some clarity before I continue moving forward with it.”
I wasn’t lying. It was true. I was confused and I felt I needed to establish a sense of direction.
But, that was a half-truth. I was denying to myself and to those around me the other half of the reality… the real reason that I had encountered one of the strongest doses of writer’s block I have ever experienced.
The other side to this story is that I had lost complete confidence in myself. One little critical comment from someone close to me threw me off track way out into some strange abyss and I wondered if I could even write anymore.
I felt as though I were writing like a child. I felt like my ideas were jumbled, mixed up and irrelevant. And, I thought that it made no difference if I kept this blog up or not since I didn’t think it was having an impact on anyone. Really? How could I forget that there were people following my blog? Lovely people… people who gave me feedback and talked about my blog.
The reality is that my ego saw an opening and it tore me apart. When someone says anything negative or critical about us or what we put out into the world, it isn’t a true reflection of who we are and what we are creating. Remember that.
I forgot that. I internalized what was said to me and what’s worse is that I let it fester and grow inside me. A whole series of lies inside my mind were being concocted about my self-worth and the value I bring to the world through my blog.
I have recently begun studying A Course in Miracles and in it we learn that the ego is an illusion. All that it conjures up- not true. Not one bit. What someone else may say about you is simply their opinion and has nothing to do with the reality of who you are and what you bring to the world. The ego (and I’m not talking about theirs, but our very own) will twist anything to shut us down and attempt to extinguish our light.
The reality is that our light can never be extinguished AND we have every right to shine it out to the world. The ego will try to convince you that you aren’t perfect in your own right, but the reality is that you and I have come to this planet with a beautiful light, not a tainted light, whose only purpose is to shine out.
When you think a negative thought about yourself that makes you feel small or that feels constricting and painful, that is the ego trying to bring you down.
In these moments, you must remember that you have a very important mission on this planet. You have been assigned the task to shine your light no matter what.
What does this mean?
It means doing what makes you feel expansive. It means cultivating the love and joy in your heart and spreading that to those around you.
Moral of the story: You’re the light, don’t let the clouds hinder your sight of how beautifully you shine.
Here’s a bit on clouds: they’re misty, ephemeral and you can fly right through them straight to the light of your soul. We ALL know that. We just have to remember. That light is real. The clouds are not.
So, this post touches a lot on our solar plexus chakra, the seat of our feelings of self-worth and place in the world. The thought of posting the following video made me laugh a bit, but if I’m going to keep this real and follow the impulses of my soul, it has to be posted. So, when my solar plexus chakra is feeling a bit weak and downtrodden and in need of major building up… I sometimes find watching this video helpful:
Oh yes, “day by day we get better and better!” Okay, I actually think we are already complete and great, but we get better at not letting this ego overtake us and bring us down. It won’t beat us into submission.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t get embarrassed by posting that video. And, I’m not.
Photo credit: Lovelight by EverJean from Flickr.