Breaking Free

I must apologize for my absence on this blog this past year. I’d been going through a highly introspective period where I needed to retreat inwards, rather than express outwards… had to take a step back from the whirlwind that is life. To those who have stuck around, thank you!

Gently nudged by a friend on here and by virtue of my emergence from my place of relative silence, I’ve decided to share a bit of what’s been on my mind.

So here goes…

It’s a real struggle to live an authentic life in a world that is increasingly supporting the inauthentic… silicone bodies, plastic commodities, even our food is fast becoming only a figment of what real food once was. How are we supposed to feel right in who we are when the norm is a face caked with makeup and rolls on your tummy are considered grotesque?

I’ll be somewhat candid here, I’ve struggled accepting myself since I was a kid. I looked different, I ate different, as I got older my spiritual views were considered bizarre, and I didn’t socialize quite like everyone else coming from a culture where socializing without an alcoholic drink in one’s hand was met with suspicion and rejection. I felt out of place. But, this is part of who I was and who I am. I struggled because I couldn’t change myself into what I wasn’t.

Lest I go down a dangerously negative path, I’m going to turn this ship around and propose a solution to one of society’s greatest problems: our lack of authenticity.

Photo by Patrick Lanigan

The only way we can stop these insane fake standards that society has been carving out for everyone to fit neatly into, is if we all abandon them in droves.

In university I remember studying Foucault and his theories about how we police each other into conformity. And that’s where I’ve found my solution.

The only way I can be free to be myself, the only way we can ALL be free is if we abandon these ridiculous standards and be friends with the beautiful essence in all forms of expression. The more we adhere to inauthenticity, and the more we ourselves run away from the beautiful within us and don some garb to fit in, the more we will find ourselves creating a world void of acceptance, love, and true expression.

Also, authenticity is best friends with honesty. Can’t have one without the other. The more honest we are with ourselves and with everyone around us, the more authentic the expression of our unique spirit.

I can be your friend if we look into each other’s eyes and let the tears and joy flow uninhibited by any apprehension that we won’t be accepted. I accept you. I accept you even if there is something “wrong” with you. There’s nothing wrong with you.

This is awesome mirror work… but the real mirror is the world. Bring the love and the acceptance out there and let’s create a better world, one where everyone has a place and feels good with who they are.

And so there, I give myself license to dance my crazy heart out to the so-called lamest music I choose and the freedom to walk my authentic path wherever that may lead. And I wish the same for you.

To our freedom!

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Letting Go…

“I am so beyond frustrated right now…”  These are the words I noticed myself think just now. It’s crazy, but even as we continue along a spiritual path, we still feel these things at times. But, I guess *that* is the crux of a spiritual practice, to find ourselves whirling in what seems like chaos at times, but to be able to stop, step back and notice what’s going on.

I’m experiencing technology woes today as fears of potentially losing all my photos and whatnot are mounting as my external hard drive is suddenly no longer accessible…

There is on the one hand this part of me that wants to keep trying to fix it and keep tinkering away checking the same few things over and over again. On the other hand, there’s this part of me that realizes that trying to force it to work is not going to make it work.

That’s the hard part, though. It’s hard to let things be… to let go of control, especially when things are going wrong from our perspective. There’s this tendency to want to fix things, to make them right to make ourselves feel better.

But, in the end that’s what binds us. It’s our need to control our situation because we have placed our happiness, sense of wellbeing and peace in some external factor. When that’s the case, of course we want to control it, because should it continue to falter, so does our wellbeing.

This is stifling to go on living like this, depending on a perfect balance of exterior influences in order to maintain inner peace. We must learn to cultivate the still place within, the place where our peace, joy and wellbeing reside regardless of what’s going on around us. That is what spells true freedom…

Photo by Joanna Lee Osborn

 “What if you let go of every bit of control and every urge that you have, right down to the most infinitesimal urge to control anything, anywhere, including anything that may be happening with you at this moment? Imagine that you were able to completely and absolutely give up control on every level. If you were able to give up control absolutely, totally, and completely, then you would be a spiritually free being.”

— Adyashanti, Emptiness Dancing

And, so that’s where I’m at. I’m ready to just let go of this and experience the freedom that lies beyond my dependence on external events for peace and happiness.

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